I am not shocked about the demise of JWD... judging from the past few weeks of trolls and flaming. But I am sad to see such a wonderful site go, although this will likely take a few weeks or months. I have certainly made numerous friends on this site that I hope to be life lasting. Had I left the JWs on my own I would have felt very lonely and perhaps even tempted to go back. So JWD was influential so that I felt like a normal person upon leaving the JWs.
As any of those who have followed my story know, I have struggled with the idea of staying with a JW spouse from day one of my journey here. In fact, our marriage was seriously troubled and we were seriously contemplating divorce and separation since about a year ago. Upon leaving the witnesses, I believed that this would be the last straw for my wife, and she would want to end the relationship. However, to my surprise, she began drawing closer to me than ever before. For years she had questioned my headship, and we frequently argued since I would act in "unchristian" ways or would not be a good spiritual head, never studying the Bible with her or having a family study. My personal study of the Watchtower would uncover contradictions, although my own cognizant dissonance did not allow me to recognize the utter falsehood of the truth. Since March after my rude awakening from the JW org, her attitude improved sionce she realized that my lack of spiritual headship did not make me a bad person. So rather than dislking me for being a bad JW, she began to appreciate me more for who I am, a good "worldly" person.
Of course, she continues to be a staunch active JW. While she does not agree with some of my immediate family members who are shunning me, she still supports the arrangement. A few nights ago, some witness friends were coming to our house. My wife came to me and told me this, and asked me "What will you do?", and implied that I should stay in the bedroom so as not to cause an uproar. I refused. I told her that if someone wants to shun me in my house he is not welcome. When the JWs arrived, I greeted them, shook their hands, gave them a drink, and had a 10 minute conversation with a sister about a non-JW subject. Then I retired to my room, satisfied, although I could sense their discomfort with me.
I have given much thought over the past few months as to what I want to do with my marraige. I was ready to end it right as I exited the JWs a few months ago, as some of you may know. But seeing my wifes attitude change somewhat I realized I needed to rethink things. I wanted to give it some time and not rush out of the marraige just because my wife was a JW and I was one no longer. AS the past few months have gone by, my wife has demonstrated some (very little) curiosity as to my reasons for leaving, yet can't get out of her JW thinking. As I posted recently, she was even willing to talk to 2 JWDers on the phone. But I began to think, even if my wife leaces the JWs, do I want to continue in this marriage? Our relationship has been seriously strained for an extended period of time. And I came to the conclusion that even if she were to leave, I did not wish to keep working on the relationship. My wife has been aware of my indecision for the past few months regarding whether I have wanted to stay together or not.
Thus about a week and a half ago I advised my wife of my final decision, that I wanted to end our marraige. We have no kids, no home, no assets, only a bit of debt. Our lease is up on Sept 30, and I think this is a good time to part ways. While she did not want to accept this for a few days, she is now accepting this new reality and is agreeing to move on with her life. While she works full time, I make more than her, so I have agreed to assist her financially for some time as she gets herself on her feet.
This is not all, though... I have also recently met an ExJW woman who I am very attracted to... she is out of NYC at the moment... but further details on this turn of affairs will be forthcoming. She is not a JWDer, but I did meet her on an exJW meetup site... I know these relationships frequently turn out sour, but ours is in its infancy... but I hope my experience will be better.
I thank everyone who has given me invaluable support on this board, and I am happy that some feel that I have been a suport to others.
A@G